Signs of the Sexual Apocalypse

You know the economy is not doing so well when a 27-year-old can not afford reliable sexual pleasure within her budget constraints and must resort to a homemade improvised sexual device.

The young woman and her equally intelligent partner devised a way to put one over on the man.  It’s possible her average everyday Rabbit-Eared vibrator wasn’t doing the trick, and they couldn’t afford to drop some serious cabbage on a high powered state-of-the-art sexorator juiced from a diesel truck battery.  Whatever this couple’s reasoning was, they devised a splendid idea to attach a basic latex dildo to the head of a saber saw and go to town on her “covered wagon.” (Hey this is a family website).  Anyways, the couple obviously not engineers or even qualified to work at  the local Burger King for that matter, never had any thought that maybe it would be a good idea to remove the blade and insert some form of attachment or base to anchor the dildo, nope they just inserted the saw into the dildo.   After what I am sure was a brief moment of intense pleasure the saber saw blade cut THROUGH the latex dildo and into… well you are obviously smarter people then Jane Doe and her cohort and can figure out that they connected the ocean to the mud puddle.

After what I am sure was the most painful moment of her life, the partner called 9-1-1 and she was airlifted by the Maryland State Trooper helicopter to the Prince George Hospital where she was said to have severe injuries.  While they are repairing what I am sure looks mostly like spaghetti right now they should sterilize this woman so she never reproduces offspring in the future.  That is if it is even able to work, or she has desire to ever engage in any sexual acts after this disaster.

Another day, another jackass to add to the growing list.

MSNBC Link http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29621224/

STUPIDITY: Mass. woman’s 1 cent debt paid in full

ATTLEBORO, Mass. – A 74-year-old blind woman’s 1 cent debt to a Massachusetts city has been settled. People from across the country called Attleboro City Hall on Tuesday offering to pay the 1 cent balance owed by Eileen Wilbur for an overdue water and sewer bill.

Antonio Viveiros, a former city councilor who does not know Wilbur, wrote a check for one penny. He says he was “irked” by the fact that the federal government can spend billions for bailouts, yet a senior citizen was threatened with a lien on her home over 1 cent.

Wilbur’s daughter first noticed the letter that warned of a lien and a $48 penalty if the overdue bill was not paid by Dec. 10.

Associated Press
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081120/ap_on_fe_st/odd_penny_bill;_ylt=AsRx5X2yYS1Kg8GGF_IfZlztiBIF

Nancy [Dis]Grace

So if you know me on any sense of a personal level then you would know I have a ten-month old child. If you don’t, you know now. There are many nights he will wake up in the middle of the night and we alternate who takes him, on the nights I draw the short straw I always seem to find myself stopping at least briefly on CNN and it always happens when this arrogant reporter, if you can call her that, is on air.

For the past few months she has continued to hash and rehash the Caylee Anthony murder. disGrace has this nickname for the accused mom, she refers to her as “Tot Mom.” I am unsure if she started this nickname or if she just uses it religiously on her show, but I have just never heard it used outside of her program. Whether she created it or not, shame on her, the name is disrespectful to the tragedy of a little girl and I hope karma returns her back tenfold with an on-air booger or something that humiliates her endlessly on TMZ or Perez Hilton until she resigns.

Each night she has some tiny audio bite from a jail house conversation with the parents or the recent incident with the grandfather that she dissects and speculates on to prove the Anthony Family’s guilty or complacency in the death of a child.

I never watch more then a minute, but it’s enough to make my stomach turn. As the mother of a young baby she should reevaluate how she would feel about media programs sensationalizing the death of her twins. A parent should be more sensitive to the respect of a child living or gone.

Where Have You Gone Kato Kaelin?

With Hulk Hogan’s less then colorful comments at the Hogan-Divorce-Fiasco on the heals of the Simpson Murder’s 15th anniversary it got me thinking, what happened to the “house guest” that created his own fiasco during the trial of Orenthal James.

In the words of the immortal Dr. Peter Venkman, “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.” People capitalize on tragedy everyday, though this may have been the first time that someone used the witness stand to audition for a role in Hollywood. Kato sat up there for what seemed like an eternity channeling Bill S. Preston, Esquire, flipping his hair and putting on Chapstick. Were his statements borderline purgery to extend his face time? We will never know because the circus that was a murder trial left so many unanswered questions that I don’t blame the jury for acquitting. I don’t question his guilt, but of all the parties involved you at least expected O.J. to be less then truthful, the rest of the witnesses, lawyers and even the Dancing Ito had a civic obligation to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, or their job. Until that trial I fully wanted to be a lawyer, that was my first lesson as a child that lawyers really were the punchline that jokes implied.

Since appearing in his breakthrough role as a witness for the prosecution, Kato has amassed a total of zero, yes numero cero, starring roles. “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.”

Yes, Kato had an opportunity to bring closure to a double murder and he squandered his ethical duties; now he is doomed to be nothing more then a footnote in VH1’s “I Love the 90’s” retrospective series. “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.” Thank you Dr. Venkman, your historic words give inspiration why you should live by the scouts honor:

On my honor I will do my best

To do my duty to God and my country

and to obey the Scout Law;

To help other people at all times;

To keep myself physically strong,

mentally awake, and morally straight.

Now if only some karma would deal with that Nancy [dis]Grace over at CNN.