Oh Festuvus traditions how we love thee. In true Costanza fashion let us tell you how you disappointed us this year.
J.J. Abrams – Flatout no excuses, the last season of Lost was terrible. 5 great season of mystery and intrigue and the final season is a bizarre 19 episode journey through Heaven or purgatory to meet each other in the afterlife. Frankly I would have liked to see more effort put into the mysteries of the Island that you left unresolved. In fairness you created the epilogue “Man in Charge” to clear up some loose ends, but you really let us down. Leaving some mystery is good, but outright just dropping the ball is a slap in the face.
Dana White – Stop putting your two cents in on everything. If Chuck wants to fight let him fight, you are a UFC President not a daddy and manager. If fighters want to use their likeness in a game that competes against your franchise game don’t threaten them with never seeing a fight in the UFC… maybe save that for true jackasses that you keep letting fight in your promotion. And you have to decide if you want fighting or Professional Wrestling. Fighters are there to win a fight, not to showboat and entertain the crowd. If the fighter is boring and slow then don’t book his fights, but don’t try to bully him into engaging your style of MMA. Oh and screw you for eating up the WEC.
Tom Brady – You prick. I still hate you.
2k Marin – Bioshock 2 absolutely sucked, if I wanted to play re-boxed – rehashed Bioshock missions I would download the DLC and play Bioshock 1 again. To remap and add in a few new bad guys to the old Rapture does not make it a new game, it is just a senseless game with no story making $60 off of 2k Boston’s success. I will not buy Bioshock 3, ever.
Metallica – Death Magnetic still sucks, put out a good album or retire.
DC Comics – Your continued insistence of crosstitle epics is not enticing me to buy your comics I have just stopped reading Batman and Superman.
President Obama – Your policies to help the economy have failed, you will join the unemployment line in 2012.
LeBron James – You are everything that is wrong with society. Your self-centered ideals and prima donna attitude not only made you the most hated man in the NBA but showed how classless you are and Miami is the perfect spot for you. You rank right up there with Isiah Thomas as the biggest asses the NBA has ever seen. Oh and Charles Barkley is twice the talent you will ever be.
My Stupid Cats – I will kill which ever of you keeps taking a shit on the bath mat.
Hollister, Abercrombie, AE, et al – Your overpriced clothes suck and you have no sense of style.
Work – I wish I owned a Martial Arts studio, work sucks.
My Car – You suck too.
I know Festivus was yesterday, but I was so caught up in malls and car repair yesterday I never got to writing this last night. Tonight will be much more cheerful as I share true Christmas Spirit!