Where Have You Gone Kato Kaelin?

With Hulk Hogan’s less then colorful comments at the Hogan-Divorce-Fiasco on the heals of the Simpson Murder’s 15th anniversary it got me thinking, what happened to the “house guest” that created his own fiasco during the trial of Orenthal James.

In the words of the immortal Dr. Peter Venkman, “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.” People capitalize on tragedy everyday, though this may have been the first time that someone used the witness stand to audition for a role in Hollywood. Kato sat up there for what seemed like an eternity channeling Bill S. Preston, Esquire, flipping his hair and putting on Chapstick. Were his statements borderline purgery to extend his face time? We will never know because the circus that was a murder trial left so many unanswered questions that I don’t blame the jury for acquitting. I don’t question his guilt, but of all the parties involved you at least expected O.J. to be less then truthful, the rest of the witnesses, lawyers and even the Dancing Ito had a civic obligation to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, or their job. Until that trial I fully wanted to be a lawyer, that was my first lesson as a child that lawyers really were the punchline that jokes implied.

Since appearing in his breakthrough role as a witness for the prosecution, Kato has amassed a total of zero, yes numero cero, starring roles. “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.”

Yes, Kato had an opportunity to bring closure to a double murder and he squandered his ethical duties; now he is doomed to be nothing more then a footnote in VH1’s “I Love the 90’s” retrospective series. “Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.” Thank you Dr. Venkman, your historic words give inspiration why you should live by the scouts honor:

On my honor I will do my best

To do my duty to God and my country

and to obey the Scout Law;

To help other people at all times;

To keep myself physically strong,

mentally awake, and morally straight.

Now if only some karma would deal with that Nancy [dis]Grace over at CNN.

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